I thought it was time to share a bit about where I’m coming from in life. The Tarot path encompasses anyone willing to walk it, and my own spirituality is no exception. My spiritual life has been pretty topsy turvy, more so than many, and also less so. So here’s a well-timed flashback, to show you my example of spiritual growth.

*cue flashback*

I was born into a Christian home, Seventh-Day Adventist by denomination. My mother believes every bit of it, but does not feel the need to go to church. My father is a good man, hardworking to a fault, but doesn’t contemplate the higher spiritual pathways. I suppose he believes it will all turn out for the best in the end.

I attended church when I was small, until I was about 12. Various different people gave me rides to church over the years, but my favorite was a lady I’ll call Betty. She was probably in her late 40′s at the time, and had curly light brown hair and a winning smile. She was very nice to everyone, and knew her Bible well.

I remember one time on the way to church, we were talking about the return of Jesus. During a pause in the conversation, I saw her looking off into the distance, and she wasn’t smiling. Her eyebrows came together, her lips pursed.

Then she saw me looking, and gave me her signature smile.

Forced, with the light gone from her eyes. I could see it, and saw what I believed was hypocrisy for the first time.

It bothered me then, and bothered me for a long time. I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t happy, why there was no real joy under her smile. After all, when you know that you are saved, isn’t that supposed to bring you unending joy?

Looking back now, I realize there could have been a thousand different reasons why her smile faded away. She could have been stressing about bills or wondering about the fate of our little church (which I found out shut down years later).

Yet it wore down on me, that she would fake a smile to a child. Wasn’t that like lying? Did she truly believe I couldn’t tell the difference?

Now, with two daughters of my own, I know the meaning of that smile. It was an attempt to spread happiness, at all times, to all people. A monumental task for any human being, and especially for those of us with real worldly concerns. Children deserve to know that there is good out there to balance out the bad, and they deserve to have faith in the basic goodness of the human spirit.

I cannot fault her for wanting to preserve that.

*end flashback*

So, what does this have to do with Tarot? I suppose, the fact that I was already questioning things as a young child, looking for elements that didn’t quite fit together. Trying to find the underlying pattern in life.

Also, that I came from a Christian background. Although there are many good-hearted people who believe that Tarot has no place in a God-fearing home, I respectfully disagree. I do still believe in God, although in a far different way that a lot of people. My chosen word is “The Divine”, to identify this higher power in the universe.

But that story is for another post….

~Kimberlee